Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Not To Be Taken Liberally

Aunt Doris has e-mailed me to recount her visit from a canvassing local politician. I suspect someone may have slipped something into her tea - either way, her account is not to be taken liberally...

"I’ve had a visit from a nice Liberal Democrat representative.

Apparently, he wanted to fix an appointment to deliver his literature. I asked why he couldn’t just use my letterbox, like Labour and the Conservatives?

But he insisted it was absolutely necessary. He said he wanted to book More than Lofts to remove my front door, thereby allowing access to my door mat, place the Lib Dem literature on my doormat, then call out More Than Lofts again to replace my front door.

I again repeated that I didn’t see why any of that was necessary, noting that if he wanted, he could turn his literature sideways, to get it through the letterbox.

But he then said they’ve got a wealth of experience at that kind of thing, so I should agree with him. I even pushed his literature through my letterbox, showing him how it could be done. He tried it himself (several times, in fact), and he was amazed at the way it always landed on my doormat.

So I asked, “Now why would any fool entertain such silly behaviour, not to mention the cost of removing and replacing my door?”

“A-ha!” he exclaimed. Then he winked and whispered, “Not to worry, after the election, all those in Worcester Park with £2 million houses will pick up the tab!”

So I asked him how many such houses there actually were in Worcester Park? After a pause and a review of his leaflets, and a couple of phone calls, he looked up and said, “Well it’s the principle that counts!”

I then asked, what if after the election, someone took a zero off the £2,000,000 and said that every house over £200,000 had to pay, blaming Mr. Brown for buying too many paperclips or something?

With that, he turned white as a sheet! He got on his mobile phone again and started running up my pathway, yelling about secret taxation plans being leaked!
Funny little fellow!"