Tuesday, 30 December 2008

A Year In Worcester Park

So there we have it. 2008 is almost at an end and what a year it has been - those bits that I can remember anyway.

Thanks you all for your support, comments, e-mails and occasional tirades of abuse during the past year. I wish you all the very best for 2009!

A lot has hapened in Worcester Park in 2008 - fortunately you can browse through the blog archive for all the gory details. But for those of you with a short attention span, 2008 went something like this....

January:
We learned that the Golden Chef is a lovely place really. Worcester Park was bombed in 1944 and Central Road rats can be suicidal. We found out that Sutton Council wants to intensify, moving to Worcester Park is a good thing to do, the 'landslide' was actually a mutant sheep and old people fall over in Waitrose quite a lot.

February:
I predicted the sewing machine shop would not last, Worcester Park was split in two by the LEZ as Nefis dished out free drinks to blog readers (meanwhile Betty Boop wanted to turn herself into a Persian restaurant)

March:
I wondered why anyone would go to Cafe Experience for Mother's Day. Waitrose in smashed-window scandal. Sutton Council health and safetifies graves. TV repair shop in smashed-window scandal. Huntsman home to fighting (again) and Papa John moves to KT4.

April:
Chavs at the station, bikes on the line. Snow fell in April and I waited ages for strange-sounding Sri Lankan food. The Drill claimed allegiance to Cheam but the people of Worcester Park prevailed. Praise be - blue bins for recycling glass!

May:
Votes are in! I upset Browning Avenue, Knightwood Estates upset loads of people, and Worcester Park finds its voice.

June:
We finally got to use our blue bins. Everbody hated estate agents, and another blood charity shop opened. The flowe man died, sex didn't quite come to KT4, but a fun day did come to The Hamptons. Worcester Parkers kicked up a stink about composting and the Worcester Park Blog hit the headlines over The Hamptons curfew.

July:
I had a haircut and went to KFC by mistake. Worcester Park was on the box, and yellow boxes appeared on Central Road. Trees disappeared. Bad viagra pun opportunity arose.

August:
I spoke to the Daily Mail and regretted it. Chavs on the line! Lots of spotting of vintage bus spotters. We all said something nice about Worcester Park. Well, some of us.

September:
Betty Boop to close (again). More shops close down.

October:
A fox feeding furore erupts, Hamptons planning permission is refused again and the blog celebrates its first birthday (kind of). KFC closes for a refit. Quelle domage!

November:
Betty Boop closes (again). Betty Boop reopens (again). I meet The Brinkster and dress as Santa and everyone enjoys the Christmas Late Night. KFC reopens.

December:
We worship Chris, Woolies bites the dust as do some blogs. Then there was Christmas.

Happy New Year everyone!

Monday, 29 December 2008

Five Things

1. Sutton Council are hopeless when it comes to telling us when our bins are being emptied over Christmas/New Year. Other roads had stickers stuck to their bins giving details of collection days, but we didn't get any. Sutton Council's website has the info, but the refuse operatives still turn up at random days and refuse [get it?] to touch the bin if it's over 6 inches from the kerbside.

2. Mr Ink on Central Road sends the store's contact details by Bluetooth to my mobile every time I walk past. Which is getting a tad irritating now. I would cross the road, but it means walking past The Hunstman. I'd rather Bluetooth than no-teeth.

3. The roads are so clear now that I got to work half an hour quicker this morning. Which is great, until you realise it makes your working day half an hour longer.

4. Ryan Gate was about the only place open on Christmas Day for those who had run out of bread. It's just a shame they don't sell bread.

5. Tomorrow is the final day at Woolworths in North Cheam. If it's anything like the Woolies in New Malden on its final day, expect a queue of grave-robbers snaking right around the store and a scrum to grab the the very last of the pic'n'mix.

New Malden Fatality?

I've just checked the blog stats - lots of people have found the blog today after searching for 'New Malden station fatality'.

Info, anyone?

Saturday, 27 December 2008

Takeaway the Pain

Whilst most of us were stuffing turkeys, stuffing ourselves with the aforementioned turkey and generally suffering the company of unwanted relatives on Christmas Day, a select few sought sanctuary on the Internet.

A quick check on Google Analytic's statistics for the Worcester Park Blog provides an interesting window on the nation's festive online activity.

Evidently some were suffering the effects of the big day - especially those who found the blog whilst searching for 'nearest open pharmacy Worcester Park' or asking 'which chemist shop is open in Surbiton on Christmas Day'?

For others, turkey and sprouts were clearly not on the menu - including the visitor searching for 'restaurants open Xmas Day in Worcester Park' and more worringly 'KFC opening times Worcester Park'.

One blog visitor was clearly not feeling peace and goodwill to all men, searching for 'Sutton Council idiots'.

However the prize for the most unusual search of Christmas Day goes to one blog visitor for whom the thought of how to pay off the credit card bills was clearly too much. They searched for 'massage parlour work - immediate start'.

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Merry Christmas!

Whatever you are doing and whoever you are with, may all blog readers and all in Worcester Park have a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful, healthy and prosperous 2009.

WORCESTER PARK CHRISTMAS CAROL SERVICES & MIDNIGHT MASS:

Worcester Park Baptist Church:
Christmas Day:
Family Service 9.30am - 10.15am

St Matthias Roman Catholic Church:
Christmas Eve:
Children's Mass 4.00pm
Mass 7.00pm (carols)
Midnight Mass 10.00pm

Christmas Day:
Quiet Mass 7.30am
Mass 9.30am (carols)
Mass 11.15am (carols)

Christ Church with St Philip:
Christmas Eve:
Blessing Of The Crib for Children 4.00pm & 5.30pm
Carols By Candlelight 8.00pm
Midnight Communion 11.30pm

Christmas Day:
Holy Communion 8.00am
Family Sercice with Holy Communion 10.00am

St Mary The Virgin, Cuddington:
Christmas Eve:
Christingle Service 3.00pm
Christingle Service 5.00pm
Midnight Communion 11.30pm

Christmas Day:
Family Service, Holy Communion 10.00am

St John The Baptist Church, Old Malden:
Christmas Eve:
Christmas Crib Service 3.30pm
Midnight Eucharist 11.30pm

Christmas Day:
Christmas Said Eucharist 8.00am
Christmas Sung Eucharist 9.45am



Tuesday, 23 December 2008

And then there were two....

Where once there was feast when it came to an online presence, we are fast approaching a Worcester Park famine.

First The Parkerilla chose to end his brief flirtation with local blogging and now esteemed local resident Noble Savage is having a break from the Internet to deal with real life fripperies such as raising a family and to start interacting with people face-to-face rather than online. Madness, I tell you - it'll never catch on!

Elsewhere local blogger Adrian Short has not posted for quite a while, and as for The Hamptons Blog, they have been looking for George for so long that I'm thinking of forming a search party.

So I guess it's just myself and The Brinkster to represent Worcester Park.

Unless any other local bloggers which to take up the gauntlet?

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Emergency Appeal

This is an Emergency Appeal on behalf of the people of nearby Banstead who last Friday were visited by an unimaginable calamity - their branch of Waitrose burned down.

The disaster has left hundreds of villagers without access to the sparkling mineral water that you and I take for granted. Starving locals must now make the agonising 10 minute drive to find food for their families.

In a harrowing interview with a local paper, Banstead resident Lionel Blair revealed that he used to shop in that branch of Waitrose when he first moved to the area - before adding that he has launched a new online game ‘Lionel Blair; Dancing On Thin Ice’, in which the star can be seen tap dancing on an icy lake.

Meanwhile conditions in Banstead have deteriorated so rapidly that some residents have even resorted to Tesco.

The villagers are in urgent need of:

  • Couscous
  • Quails eggs
  • Foie Gras (although any terrine will suffice)
  • Wild-caught extra large Canadian prawns

Just £40 can feed a family of four for a whole day (£48.99 including wine). Please give generously.

Thank You

Friday, 12 December 2008

Well Worthless


I went to pay my last respects to Woolworths today as, judging by the jostling crowds within, did half the population of Sutton.

Suddenly the tat that nobody wanted for years had become irresistible when heavily discounted. Who could resist a half-price pocket sewing kit, or 10% off a set of four wooden egg cups?

As frenzied bargain-hunters shovelled loot indiscriminately into their baskets, a conversation overheard between two harassed Woolworths employees neatly summed up the sorry affair:

Employee 1: I wish I had a buggy I could barge into people with.
Employee 2: I wish I had a gun.


Tuesday, 9 December 2008

In Chris We Trust

This time last year I was at a Christmas fair at a primary school which shall remain nameless, mainly because I can't actually remember the name of it. Suffice to say it wasn't anywhere near Worcester Park.

The youngsters had done their bit to decorate the school hall in an appropriately festive way, but the teachers had clearly pitched in with some of the larger and more complicated decorations - one of which was a huge banner of cut-out letters strung up over the stage in the school hall proclaimimg:

"HAPPY CHRISMAS"

Either there was a serious spelling problem at the school or I had got the wrong end of the stick and the whole event really had been organised to celebrate the birth of Chris. I suspect the former.

Apparently one side-effect of the credit crunch/recession is that more people than ever before are heading off to church on a Sunday morning to reflect on the simpler things in life (or possibly to grab a handful of loose change from the collection plate as it goes round).

Whether you are of a religious persuasion or not, few are immune to the magic of a good old Christmas Carol - and for those of you keen for an opportunity to sing your hearts out, you can wrap up warm and join in the United Carol Singing organised by churches in Worcester Park at The Hamptons on Wednesday 17th December from 7.00pm to 8.30pm.

No doubt there will be at least one person who gets carried away during "Ding Dong! Merrily" and runs out of breath during a prolonged 'Glooooooooooooooooooooria!".

Hopefully it won't be me.

Saturday, 6 December 2008

Holy Spirit

If you were out and about today in Worcester Park you may have heard (beneath the roar of Central Road traffic) the gentle sound of carol singing courtesy of the Generation church.

They meet every Sunday in The Worcester Park Tavern for, according to a flyer they handed to me, 'Quiz, Coffee, Pastries, Prayer, Healing and Miracles'.

Now that has to be better than most churches - although the last one I went to did offer a sip of wine at half-time. And a free biscuit. But no quiz.

I must admit I've never seen a miracle performed before in a pub - although with the number of people who go into pubs perfectly healthy and having blessed themselves with a rather different type of spirit leave unable to walk or talk properly it would be nice to witness this done in reverse.

So if you are in need of a miracle (or just a coffee) they meet at The Worcester Park Tavern tomorrow (and the first Sunday of every month) from 10.30am.

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Reading The Riot Act

Local libraries. They are normally such peaceful places - but not for Angry Adam who has e-mailed the Worcester Park Blog with his tale of anarchy in the aisles:

"Earlier I was in the library at Worcester Park, I was busy updating my CV as well as sending a few emails to some of my good friends.

Next thing I noticed a nasty stench next to me. It wasn't body odour but the smell of greasy fried chicken and chips from KFC!

A man in his thirties decided to open up his greasy stain-filled bag and proceeded to open his big gob to munch on his foul smelling chicken.

Then he added salt and ketchup to his chips and then the idiot spilt his large cola all over my CV.

He promptly got up and left, leaving all his KFC all over the place. I followed him and confronted him telling him that he had ruined my CV and he told me in no uncertain terms to 'f off' and that the computers are only used for games and chatting and that there were no signs stating that he could not eat his fast food in the library.

He was a foulmouthed, arrogant and a very violent individual. The ladies at the library said these things happen all the time and not to take it personally. Fat chance.

Welcome back KFC - it looks like that Worcester Park is in for a rough ride once again!"

There goes the neighbourhood.