Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Emergency Appeal

This is an Emergency Appeal on behalf of the people of nearby Banstead who last Friday were visited by an unimaginable calamity - their branch of Waitrose burned down.

The disaster has left hundreds of villagers without access to the sparkling mineral water that you and I take for granted. Starving locals must now make the agonising 10 minute drive to find food for their families.

In a harrowing interview with a local paper, Banstead resident Lionel Blair revealed that he used to shop in that branch of Waitrose when he first moved to the area - before adding that he has launched a new online game ‘Lionel Blair; Dancing On Thin Ice’, in which the star can be seen tap dancing on an icy lake.

Meanwhile conditions in Banstead have deteriorated so rapidly that some residents have even resorted to Tesco.

The villagers are in urgent need of:

  • Couscous
  • Quails eggs
  • Foie Gras (although any terrine will suffice)
  • Wild-caught extra large Canadian prawns

Just £40 can feed a family of four for a whole day (£48.99 including wine). Please give generously.

Thank You