Saturday, 3 May 2008

Come Friendly Bombs...

As the people of London wake up under Boris Johnson (a sense of deja vu for some ladies, no doubt) voting is in full swing in the Worcester Park blog's monthly poll.

Judging by the early turnout, exhorting the people of Worcester Park to destroy (electronically, that is) the least desirable part of the town has proved a lot more popular than voting for which boozer they prefer.

Get voting in the Monthly Poll (on your right). I'm sure you all have your own good reasons for wanting rid of part of Worcester Park, but here are mine...

BROWNING AVENUE:
Otherwise known as Chav alley. ASBO's preferred (but not essential). A frequent trouble-area for antisocial behaviour. Sofas dumped in front gardens and dangly Christmas lights left draped on houses all year round. Euugh.

KFC:
Greasy as ABC... aside from the very obvious reason that its food is supplied complete with bucket, the reason for destruction is that the chavs of Worcester Park flock like Burberry moths to hang around outside KFC, pebble-dash the pavement with chewing gum and generally terrorise law abiding passers by.

THE HUNTSMAN'S HALL:
Recent attempts to improve its image and clientele aside, The Huntsman's will be forever tainted by its appalling track record for fights, beatings and general nastiness. It's the kind of establishment that Worcester Park could sorely do without.

THE HAMPTONS:
The rampaging beast of development may have suffered a defeat at the hands of Worcester Park residents with last year's refusal of planning permission for a final phase of development, but The Hamptons still have the capacity to annoy because of the addition of extra traffic and demands on stretched local services. That and the fact that every time I go there I feel like I've just stepped onto the set of The Truman Show. But wooo - you can climb to the top of their viewpoint and gaze in wonder at the electricity pylons and the neighrbouring Garth Road waste processing facilities.

CHARITY SHOPS:
A controversial choice - I have nothing against the causes they support, but we have too many of them. Seven at the moment, shortly to be eight. At a time when spiralling commercial rates are pushing independent traders to the wall, the massive rate rebates they receive need proper justification. They contribute nothing to the economy, rob the high streets of diversity and are indicative of more general decline in an area's fortunes. Enough is enough.

82 COMMENTS (Add Yours Now!):

Anonymous said...

I love the seasonal shop and can't beleive you included it in this poll! Where would I be without my cheery garden tat? And NO i don't live on browning avenue!

Anonymous said...

I can vouch for the "joys" of the Seasonal shop every time I draw the curtains...not a cheery sight at all....pity I can't change my gf's vote

Anonymous said...

Hmm Browning Avenue... the top end appears fairly civilised. I agree with the comment about the Hamptons - it just doesnt seem real. Also once overheard some South Africans there complaining that the "park" was open to everyone...

Anonymous said...

Charity Shops should definitely be limited, for starters they aren't even as good or cheap as they used to be (admittedly Grant Buckinghams was still a double shop then and there was a Petrol Station where those weird Art Deco flats are). I am worried about the possible descent into North Cheamism and then the death spiral into Mordenism but ultimately Browning ScAbenue, KFC, The Huntsman Hell and The Seasonal Shop are all on the list for the same reason, the pikey skanks that live there or buy products from them, which is the only real negative thing about WP anyway. Its like trying to vote what is worse Pol Pot, Hitler or Stalin

SC said...

Oh my god, please please bomb the Huntsman pub and replace it with a friendly, funky and safe place for us to have fun in WP.
This, frankly threatening, pub nearly stopped me moving here, as far as first impressions go!

The Worcester Tavern is ok, but not what I'd call full of character either. It's just a bit dull, like weatherspoons tend to be. It's also sadly devoid of a comfy, sheltered place for us poor pariahs - the smokers! We're currently relegated to a few wooden benches in the open car park by the main road. Although Kingston is further I'd rather go there for the facilities, atmosphere and events at the Marlborough, Cricketers or Ram for example, or the Royal Oak in New Malden.

I do think it's a shame that we don't have a really great pub nearby that I'd be proud to call my local. I'd love to have somewhere close that I would go out of my way to take out-of-town friends to. The Huntsman just ain't it.

Anonymous said...

Re: The Hamptons; clearly it is real otherwise it wouldn't exist, or maybe you've been smoking the special tobacco and are hallucinating?
At 30 acres I think it's plenty enough to be called a "park".
And when you're paying for it, only for the local scummers to come and tag the place up and let their dogs poop everywhere, see how you like it!
We want gates, guard dogs and gun turrets to keep you lot out!

Anonymous said...

Hamptons Residents - Shut up moaning, you chose to live there and pay the excessive prices for what looks like a set from back to the future, you don't even get real gardens or suitable parking. In addition to that you have created overcrowding at the local schools and worsened the traffic problems down Green Lane. I just can't wait till the open up the other end so that I can use it as a through road to walk to work, during which time I will make sure that I take the opportunity to litter, tag and personally poo on the streets

Anonymous said...

I completely agree, the Hamptons is a carbunkle on the backside of Worcester Park.

Anonymous said...

do you know something, you people who live outside the hamptons should feel bloody lucky that you have these caliber of people living there (not being snobby), but it will benefit you in the long run with house prices etc etc. Here we are also trying our hardest to integrate with the local community by opening up our private tennis courts to "outsiders" for your use aswell as ours, but that oppurtunity has been ruined by people that misuse it mainly people from outside the hamptons. Just have a think before you say things like this towards us all!

Anonymous said...

The only bad thing about Browning Avenue is that the Hamptons back onto it. My garden was once a peaceful haven, with abundant wildlife (no, not just foxes)until the Hamptons appeared. Even the occasional whiff of the sewage works was more bearable than the smell of sushi and sashimi that floats over their fences. And how much nicer to listen to a song bird than to hear the braying for Max and Tristran to come and have their supper?

Anonymous said...

I think you'll find Green Lane Primary is UNDER-subscribed and as for traffic problems, they already existed, and since over half the Hamptons regularly use public transport, the traffic issue is caused by you non-Hamptons scummers.

I'm not sure what smells worse, the old sewage works where the Hamptons now is or the cesspit that is Browning Avenue.

socialrealismrules said...

Dream on you muppet.

Anonymous said...

I would like to know why the above Hamptons resident seems to claim there are a higher ‘caliber’ of people living there than in the rest of Worcester Park, and invite him or her to explain. By the way that’s calibre for those of us who can spell. Not a great start!

Anonymous said...

I notice he/she can't spell opportunity either.

Anti-Hamptons said...

Having lived around the corner from the hamptons for all my life and driven/been driven down green lane long before the hamptons were ever thought of I can honestly say that since they have been built there has been a huge rise in the amount of traffic coming out of green lane. Now to me it seems a little odd that for say 20 odd years traffic out of green lane is pretty normal and ok, then along comes along the hamptons and suddenly you've got traffic building right up to beyond pembry avenue. What i really love is the way they try to say that at least half of them commute using the train. Well that still leaves a good couple of hundred that must be using their cars and clogging up Green lane. Also has anyone else noticed that many of the hamptons drivers dont seem to have graspeed that you can go over the speed humps faster than 2mph. Its not going to hurt your car if go a bit faster, especially the ones in their precious 4x4's. They are designed to go 'off road'. A little speed hump is not going to damage your car.

Anonymous said...

If the residents of the Hamptons are of such a higher calibre and feel that Worcester Park isn't actaully nice why did they move here? Also where did they get the statistic "since over half the Hamptons regularly use public transport, the traffic issue is caused by you non-Hamptons scummers".However driving to the end of Green lane, parking up and then catching the train defeats the point! Half of you may use public transport but all of you are retards, mostly for the amount of money you were willing to pay for a small damp crap wooden flat (or house). "Ooh but it mostly for the poorly turfed tiny garden" Half-Wit Clowns!

Anonymous said...

Re: The earlier comment about Green Lane school being undersubscribed. I think if you go to Cheam Common, and perhaps Dorchester, schools you'll find out where the kids from Green Lane went.

The relatively recent reorganisation of Green Lane School, prompted by the anticipated influx from the Hamptons, mixed ages and abilities and basically did not work so many local families moved their kids out to other local schools.

Anonymous said...

Hehehe! I agree. I heard that there was subsidence in some of the houses already.

Who in their right mind would buy a very expensive, but cheaply made, house. Built on an old sewage works.

They look like something out of the Amityville horror, and that's just the owners.

Anonymous said...

Well here we go again blaming the hamptons for all the traffic woes of WP !! Yes i can see that there is an increase from the estate (yes it's an estate) but in reality the rat runs through from clarkes avenue should be stopped. I've used them and i would imagine a lot of other people have. The rat run through stone place car park is an accident waiting to happen too.
Sutton council should have invested some of the vast sums of money received from the developers to come up with some solution to the bridge congestion but hey.. this is the far side of the borough and often gets neglected.

I can't for the life of me understand the them and us mentality of some of those that live in the Hamptons. The estate bears no resemblance to any new england town that i've ever visited (yes i've been to many). No american in his right mind would buy a property that looked like it was from the back lot of some movie studio let alone have nieghbours that close that they can hear every word said.Give me my brick built house any day.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Just read these comments and as a non-hampton resident, I do not understand all this name calling. There are clearly ups and downs to living in any community but the vicousness (oh and before I come under anyones rage I do APOLOGISE for any spelling mistakes). Ever thought that the traffic is due to never-ending laziness that has swept right across the UK? I have seen people pull out of their drive ways at the end of Green Lane just to drive their children to Green Lane Primary-well they have to turn around and go back also contributing to the traffic.So now you cannot target all Hampton Residents,looks like your next target is the South Africans that live there? Come on people.

Anonymous said...

Wait a min... has anyone mentioned race?... nope.. race has nothing to do with any of the comments on here (apart from the ref to americans... and they aren't a race.. they are ummm...) anyway.. lets not detract from the real issues here which are a divided community and unhappy motorists.

If we close all the rat runs and make more streets one way.. build a super highway thru WP to take the majority of non locals that use WP to get to the A3, then perhaps we can all enjoy the roar of fast moving traffic... maybe even unite the communities with a new common gripe !!

Anonymous said...

At least when the site was a sewage works, shit stayed put, so much for improving the environment.

Worcester Park said...

From the strength of feeling on this blog, I give it a few weeks before trenches are dug or a big wall goes up to separate the two warring factions!

Whilst The Hamptons must invariably contribute to traffic problems, I think that some contributors have over-egged the contribution that our New England friends make to what was already a horrendous traffic situation in WP.

The problems go a lot deeper than the addition of a few dozen cars from The Hamptons.

They may contribute to the problem, but I don't think they should be despised as the root cause of all traffic evils in KT4!

Anonymous said...

But they are to blame for global warming.

Rob_browning said...

The Hamptons must have lots of lovely friendly people as well as the few idiots who class everyone outside as "scummers". These idiots claim to be omniknowledgeable of the habits of all the other residents.
They know if they drive or take public transport, if their kids go to Green Lane School etc.

Nosey neighbours, or just bitter and twisted because they bought duff properties?

Anonymous said...

Re: "scummers" comments, it's called baiting and it's nice to see a few of you have taken a bite!

Re: "Also where did they get the statistic "since over half the Hamptons regularly use public transport"", that'll be a TfL survey arranged by Sutton Council with money from the developers of the Hamptons.

I was going to take a brolly with me on Sunday, maybe I'd better bring a baseball instead to defend myself!

Anonymous said...

Oh and not that anyone really cares but the houses are all brick-built...the exterior is merely wood-effect, not actual wood...

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... brick ??... breeze block maybe. I wonder.. if you tap the wall does it sound hollow ?

Well regardless of the moats and turrets hastily being erected I am going to continue with Harry.. the last of my tunnels.. just to escape WP for the weekend...I feel a trip to New England might refresh me lol

Anonymous said...

Wait a min...not actual wood... I wonder what composite it is then !

Anonymous said...

It's a new type of composite, using a special binding glue made from the remains of non-Hamptons locals that stray on to the development...

Anonymous said...

Well someone seems keen to get out of the Hamptons:
http://www.exchangeforum.co.uk/exchanges/showthread.php?t=109600

Anonymous said...

The houses don't even have real chimneys, they are there for show like everything else in the Hamptons.

noseyneighbour said...

Let's be nice to our neighbours in the Hamptons. They want a gated, locked environment, with a moat, let them have it. We can change the name to The Lunatic Asylum, cause you need to be a looney to have bought one of those houses.

Anonymous said...

Jealousy caused by your decrepit manky-looking 1930's-built houses is very sad you know.

Anonymous said...

They are still standing! And although my home is neither manky nor from that era - they are preferable to your pretentious vulgar tat!

Anonymous said...

I would suggest that all the anti-Hamptonites on here are irrationally angry about the existence of the Hamptons, perhaps a severe bout of insecurity due to the dullness and dirtiness of your own abodes being highlighted? Oh well, if that's what you're happy with then you really shouldn't be so defensive, can't be good for your health!

Haven't had this much fun in ages.

Captain America said...

Hello all, Captain America here.

Just wanted to say, love what you've done with that 'Hamptons' development, keep up the good work.

Does anybody know when the surrounding houses (say, for about a 5 mile radius) will be knocked down and rebuilt in a similar style? Can't wait, might even pick one up myself.

Over and out.

Anonymous said...

Down and out, more likely.

Anonymous said...

A couple of things to address

1)Re: Re: "scummers" comments, it's called baiting and it's nice to see a few of you have taken a bite! - You certainly are a Master Baiter

2)Can we not all just unite and wage war against North Cheam, which is certainly alot worse than any part of Worcester Park ?

Apologies for the childish joke I couldn't resist especially as the recipient would probably find the puerile humour repungnant

Anonymous said...

I am the recipient and in fact I find it very amusing and not at all "repungant", I may even go for a Master Bait right now actually.

PS. Best not to use those big words if you can't actually spell, makes you look a bit silly.

blackpig said...

I can see where you are both coming from.

Captain America said...

Hello, Captain America here again.

Just been thinking about the strange ways in your country when a few thoughts occurred to me; when did you allow your lower classes internet access? How are they intelligent enough to cope with this? And how on earth can they afford it?!

I'd have thought you'd all be too busy shopping at Lidl or perhaps Asda if you're feeling flush.

Anonymous said...

Aye Aye Captain,

They can't afford it, everything is on credit in England. I believe the trend started in America, with greedy mortgage brokers, lending to people who couldn't afford the repayments.

The sub-prime market crisis is bound to hit the Hampton owners soon, cause most of them are pretentious NIMBYs, mortgaged to the hilt and facing negative equity.

Anonymous said...

Hi Master Baiter!

Glad you enjoyed the joeke, apologees for the spellung erro, I can genurally spel the maine problum is mi tieping, in futur eye wil stay away frum big wurds, fank yu for helpin

Anonymous said...

Hey Master Baiter

Despite the spelling error you understood what he was saying, that is the whole point of communication. We are not under exam conditions here, spelling, grammatical and typing errors are all permitted.

Hope you enjoyed your master bait, you obviously needed it. For future reference, I hear that there is a young lady, affectionately known as 5 dollars, who offers her services to desperate pedants. She's kept very busy servicing the needs of Hampton residents.

Anonymous said...

To my knowledge, nobody is facing negative equity at the Hamptons, as we are all so ridiculously and fabulously wealthy that we don't even have mortgages, unlike you poor cretins in the slums of Scum Alley (aka Browning Avenue) and beyond.

Anonymous said...

But we all live in council owned houses so neither do we! Hooray we are all winners

Anonymous said...

What a shame there is so much jealousy!

If you want to live in the Hamptons, stop popping out a kid a year, stop claiming benefit, and get a real job! Oh wait, you'd need some sort of education beyond hairdressing and brickie!

Never mind.

Anonymous said...

Hampton owners don't just live on crap, they talk crap too.

Anonymous said...

You Hamptons residents are the jealous ones, you get up at 6.00 have some muesli with yoghurt, leave the house, commute to london for a 8.30 start, have 11 hours of stress leave work get home at 9pm eat dinner go to bed for 22.30 every weekday. Pay 40% tax and die early from stress. We get up at 11 maybe 3 pm eat a fried breakfast you pay for, smoke fags all day you pay for, watch our 50" you paid for (well technically we stole it) eat Iceland ready meal for dinner you paid for, watch Jeremy Kyle episodes (aspire for that kind of 15 minutes of fame) recorded earlier on our sky boxes you paid for, go to bed when we fancy it. Repeat 7 days a week, die early from heart disease or heroin overdose. I didn't need to go to one of the local excellent free Grammar schools that you moved into the area to send your child to: to now which is life is best!

depressed said...

Yes indeed, lifes a bitch and then you die.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad that I live in New malden............

Fraseology said...

Tsk, I'm surprised at the residents of Worcester Park descending into civil war, you should be joining together to fight the common enemy - New Malden and all who inhabit her!

Anonymous said...

Yes!
Hear Hear Fraseology, we are behind you
Snotty Royal Borough lot

fo'shizzlebrizzle said...

The Hamptons look great wish I could afford one, I'd be there like a shot. Are they near the Kasbar? They should be walled and gated though. I am from Croydon.

Anonymous said...

That says it all.

Anonymous said...

Yes!
Hear Hear Fraseology, we are behind you
Snotty Royal Borough lot

OI, some of your 'precious' Dai;ly Mail haven IS in the Royal Borough you complete DONUT!

Anonymous said...

The Hamptons is in part of New Malden ???... ummmmmm.. which part ?

I'm starting to think that i shall ignore everything on the left of the high street now, as all you guys want to do is snipe at each other... at least us on the posher side don't do that.. actually we don't talk to each other either...

Fraseology said...

Are you ignoring the left hand of the High St when you go up the hill or down the hill?

I say we all meet at the Cazbar tomorrow, noon, for a few liveners then commandeer a 213 and storm New Malden. I noticed their police station is closed and the traffic is so bad on the Cambridge Road that it will take ages for help to arrive from Kingston.

Anonymous said...

Noon tomorrow? Sorry can't make that, already have plans to go and buy some White Stripe and get wasted on a park bench somewhere.

Fraseology said...

Make it The Hamptons eh? I hear they have a lovely park down there that they don't like anyone else using.

Anonymous said...

Especially those from South Africa. Strange that they should support a local apartheid.

HMMMMMMMMMMM

Incidently the whole of WP is a Daily Mail haven. We prefer the Soeul Times in NM & we'll be waiting for you!

Captain America said...

Some of you really are as thick as pig droppings aren't you. Yes Fraseology this includes you.

Mayflower Park is a public park maintained at private expense, all are welcome to use it, and in fact residents of the Hamptons encourage it's use by locals as it helps discourage the local yobbos from tagging the place up and destroying the kid's play equipment, and means all of the locals can enjoy some nice green surroundings.

Please jusst pick up your dogsh!t before you go.

Anonymous said...

Why? Wasn't the whole place built on sh!t, albeit human?

Captain America said...

No, it's because I thought the likes of you deep-fry it and serve it at the dinner table?!

Wouldn't want to deprive you of such nutrition!

Anonymous said...

KFC gives me all I need thanks.....

Anonymous said...

Mmmmm, KFC....finger-lickin' good.

Fraseology said...

Cap'n, you toenail, I may be thick but at least I didn't buy a house that sits slap bang on a gigantic pile of faeces created by the residents of Browning Chavenue....

Anonymous said...

Mmmmm, faeces....finger-lickin' good.

Anonymous said...

Fraseology, you do realise that the whole 'built on cr@p' thing has been done at least, oooh, a dozen times already.

Saying it again doesn't make it any funnier.

Anonymous said...

Although it does make him look like a boring unimaginative sadcase.

Anonymous said...

What a stinging rebuke. Looks like the truth hurts some people.

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a battle! I laughed so hard at the hampton person getting on their high horse but then making 2 spelling mistakes in his entry lol.

What anyone has failed to mention is that there is far more to WP than the high street end (central road) which is where this battle seems to lie. What about The Avenue and all of the surrounding roads? Its beautiful and knocks the socks off the crappy hamptons!

Anonymous said...

You're all boring in that part of town, can you provide as much entertainment as the previous 72 comments? No? Well then shut up.

Anonymous said...

Wow, feel the love in Worcester Park! Why don't we all just go sit in the Hamptons manicured grounds and spark up a fat one?!

Anonymous said...

Well someone is certainly very touchy. I suppose so many people laughing at you must take its toll.

Next time, a more intelligent answer wouldn't make you look like such a prat.

Anonymous said...

when comments like these were put on here about samuel james they were deleted, dont you think these should too!

Captain America said...

As fun as this has been, all good things must come to an end therefore I would like to propose a truce amongst the residents of Worcester Park?

This may require some of you to accept that Hamptons residents are not personally the sole reason for increased congestion, etc (thank council planning for that), so I expect many childish comments in return, but I thought it would be worth a try.

Over to you...

Anonymous said...

What do I care, I live in new Malden where there are several roads in & out, not just one!

Better train service too.

Anonymous said...

A truce !!!!... OMG i was just about to send the Tanks and Harriers in... well seeing as i'm from the top of the hill and don't venture over to that rowdy corner of WP i shall just continue to ignore the left of central road... (from the bottom up)... ho hum.. what to argue about now lol

Anonymous said...

I agree with an earlier post, don't hate the people, hate the developers who are putting up flats/houses anywhere they can!

I agree with a truce.

Anonymous said...

Time for the peace pipe?

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