Thursday, 21 February 2008

Faking the headlines?

I have been tempted, I admit, at times to turn to the Surrey Comet when blogging fodder is a little lean and I'm running short of local inspiration.

Now the worm, it appears had turned.

A few days ago, I blogged a largely tongue-in-cheek piece about the Low Emissions Zone and how it cuts Worcester Park in half. An insignificant piece of local information, which makes no real difference to anyone (as confirmed by the singular lack of response to this blog piece).

But, let's not allow that to get in the way of a good bit of blog mockery, so I wrote:

"The next time you are in Central Road stand and take in the sweet perfumed low-emission, early-spring air outside the Halifax Bank. Then, cross (at your own peril) to choke on the rancid fume-filled air. Beeeg Eeeshoo, amigo? Who knows - perhaps being in the zone will inflate house prices even further."

Now, I value the intelligence of my readers so I'm assuming I do not have to point out that the piece was very much cast in a satirical hue. The air on one side of Central Road is not going to be chokingly fume filled any more than the air on the other side will be fresh as a spring meadow.

Surely nobody would have been gullible enough to take this bit of blogging seriously? Well, apparently they are.

The subtlety and tone of the article was lost on the Surrey Comet, who have picked up this blog posting and turned it into a crisis of their own making:

"Fears are growing that divisions are opening in Worcester Park after the suburb was split neatly in two by the new low emissions zone." the paper bleats alarmingly.

Oh dear, irony lost on them. Then they go on to quote 'the author of one local web log' (my good self).

To compound their own non-story, they then analyse my quip about house prices going up in the non-polluted side of Worcester Park versus the potential cost increase from removal firms surcharging because of the cost of compliance with the LEZ.

Huge sighs, all round.

But the Surrey Comet outdo themselves in the over-reaction stakes with this hyperbolic gem:

"Local people seem agreed on one point: Worcester Park could slowly become polarised. Rarely has a settlement known such fear since beachside apartments sprung up beside the sprawling slums of Rio de Janeiro."

That's it. I'm moving out of Worcester Park and shutting down this blog because of:

(a) The fear and divisions in the street caused by the Low Emissions Zone; AND

(b) The recent the spate of alien abductions from the car park of Waitrose in Worcester Park.

You can find the Surrey Comet's article inspired by my blog posting here. I'll post a link to the the story about alien abductions from the Waitrose car park just as soon as the Surrey Comet pick up on it here and turn that into an article as well....

7 COMMENTS (Add Yours Now!):

Noble Savage said...

Okay, and this one made me laugh out loud until I snorted. Oh, the humanity! How will Worcester Park carry on in the LEZ crisis?! I am in the 'fresh as a spring meadow' side of Central Road so I have nothing to worry about but those poor sods on the wrong side of the tracks won't know what hit them when they're choking on all that exhaust.


The Brinkster said...

Being from Brinkley Road on the fume-filled side of Central Road I'm putting my hope in the overhead powerlines down at the Hamptons to generate enough ozone to clean the air for us ;)

And all the pubs/bars are on the 'clean air' side.... go figure!

Just don't tell the Kermit about snake-man or they may go into a frenzy!!!

Anonymous said...

Who exactly monitors this scheme? I've seen numerous lorries turning down the LEZ side roads, but no one ever stops them.

Perhaps they could give the job to our very own parking warden. I am sure that guy must be on a bonus. He now waits outside Green Lane school to see who he can pounce on.

Keep up the Worcester Park blogging - I just love reading your articles!

Worcester Park said...

Noble Savage - thanks! Glad you're enjoying the blog. Send some fresh spring meadow air southwards, please.

Anonymous - the whole ridiculousness of this scheme is that 90% of the lorries are compliant anyway, so it is not going to stop lorries going down these roads, it just discourages the more polluting non-compliant ones from going in there. No big difference, but clearly the Surrey Comet think it's a big deal!

Anonymous said...

your blog is very, very funny and highly informative. It is one of the best blogs I have come across and I think it should be serialised on radio 4. Under no circumstances cease!

Anonymous said...

It's not as if there isn't news in WP either. For instance, the other day Ross's Fruiterers ran out of yams...

Anonymous said...

the young man in chekers sandwich bar is real entertainer.he makes everyone laugh.he should be on telly

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